


Romcoms with Karkat

by Vatta (Vitani)



Series: Movies with Karkat [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, M/M, alternian romcoms with bad plot and sad endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-17
Updated: 2013-05-17
Packaged: 2017-12-12 03:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/806835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vitani/pseuds/Vatta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You look up at the screen in time to catch the Oliveblood tell his Matesprit that he forgives him, and it’s okay, he was going to die before him anyway with him being a Highblood, he wouldn’t go back and change anything.</p><p>‘You have to take the chance and make the most out of what you have. Just go for it.’</p>
            </blockquote>





	Romcoms with Karkat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jessicat](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Jessicat).



> Inspired by [this picture](http://iarejessicat.tumblr.com/post/50386595761/romcoms-with-karkat) by my friend Jessicat

It’s just an average day on the meteor. You’ve been hanging around with Terezi and the Mayor for a few hours, stacking cans to rebuild the library that met an unfortunate end recently, that was never cleared up, Terezi is still on the case. But right now Can town is getting pretty old, so you go for a walk to unwind.

You wander down some corridors you’ve only been down a few times, with the time you’ve been here you’ve probably mapped the entire Meteor by now, this place is huge but, you don’t think there’s anywhere you haven’t been. 

Although you don’t recognise this place. 

There’s a quiet whirring noise that gets louder the further down the corridor you go, probably just the electronics or some shit. The lights up ahead of you aren’t working, Karkat’s sure to want a status report on this for some reason, so you go and check it out. Then you think you hear something move.

You stop.

You listen intently for a few moments, you’re sure there’s someone else here, thinking about it you haven’t seen that fucking psycho clown since you got on this rock. 

You swiftly walk along the corridor. As your eyes adjust as well to the dark as they can while you’re wearing your shades, you notice there’s a corner coming up, there’s a dim light coming from around it.

You tiptoe to the edge of the wall, you can still hear something move every so often, it’s probably nothing. The chance that Gamzee’s showed up now is so small, but you can’t help feeling a little uneasy. This is the exact kind of place you would expect to find him too. 

It’s cold in this part of the Meteor, you’re shivering slightly.

You press yourself against the wall and slowly lean around it, there’s a faint white light around a hunched figure on the floor, as your eyes adjust again you can just about make out who it is. You sigh in relief, a little too loudly, and the figure suddenly shoots to their feet and whirls around to stare at you.

There stands Karkat, he was sat on the floor with his computer, you can’t see him very well in the dark, you can just about make out his outline from the light from his screen. 

You step around the corner fully so he can see you, no point backing away now, he’ll never drop you invading his privacy, best to get this over with. 

“Strider? What the fuck do you want?” he sounds off, his voice is a little too quiet, which of course means normal people level. 

“Just taking a walk dude.” You exaggeratedly look around the corridor he’s settled in, it’s damp and there’s water dripping from the ceiling not too far from where he was sitting, not the cosiest place to take a time out. “What are you doing here?”

“I was- none of your business!” he turns back to his computer and quickly clicks something on it before turning back to you.

“Well that’s cool man, I can appreciate a dude’s alone time. But don’t you think you should save the porn for your own room?” He glares at you then, you can’t see it, but you’ve gotten used to the way he hunches his shoulders and his head drops as if he’s about to charge at you, nubby horns first.

He doesn’t say anything, which is weird for him, he just turns and captchalogues his computer. You’re both dropped into complete darkness and he walks off past you like you’re not even there, back the way you just came. That must be a challenge, so you follow him.

You catch up and prod him in the shoulder, “so, what was that about?”

He grunts and swats your hand away, “what was what about? Can I not just want to be alone for five fucking minutes.”

It was a rhetorical question, you know, but you can’t resist. You’re bored as shit and winding Karkat up is the best hobby you’ve found. “Nah man, you want some alone time on this rock you’ve gotta make a reservation.”

Then he stops and looks at you incredulously, he looks tired. “just don’t, okay? I’m not in the mood for this. Go play around in your stupid fake miniature city and get off my back.”

“Whoa, defensive. I was just asking, out of pure curiosity, what you were doing in a dark hallway. That’s not a normal thing people do.” You shrug at him and after a few moments he just sighs and goes back to walking, you think that it’s a bad idea to follow him, but, why the hell not?

After nearly a minute of wandering in silence, he speaks up again. “Are you following me?”

You keep your gaze trained straight ahead, “I might be, is that a problem?” 

“Did Kanaya send you to find me or something?”

You look over at him then, and he’s looking down at his feet. “Nope. Just happened to be walking around these hella rad hallways and shit and came across your sorry ass.” You gesture to the walls to make your point, at least this one is lit and doesn’t smell like stale water. “Why, anyway? Is something up?”

He folds his arms and hunches in on himself defensively, he’s really expressive with his body language, and you can read him like a Game Bro magazine, so you know he’s about to lie to you. “No. Everything’s fine.”

“If you say so. I mean it’s none of my business why you were sat alone crying or whatever.” You said it as a joke, but he visibly cringes and sniffles.

“How long were you stood there?” This time his voice is really quiet, quieter than you’ve probably ever heard him.

You play along with it, he sounds unhappy about something, and you can be a nice guy if you want. If Rose knew how nice you were being right now she’d applaud you, you’re sure. “Long enough, so…” You trail off expectantly.

“So nothing. It doesn’t matter. It’s not like you of all people care, a human wouldn’t understand.” He sniffles again, and you wonder if he’s actually crying right now.

“Nah come on man, I get all that troll bullshit, you’ve only explained it like three billion times.”

He turns to you again, glaring daggers, his pace speeds up a little. “You are so insensitive, why the fuck would I tell you?”

“Because I’m here? I dunno dude, I was just asking. As much as I don’t care, finding you moping around in these corridors isn’t on my list of fun things to do.” You’re nearing the area that’s been adopted as all your rooms, yours is still a ways to go, but Karkat’s isn’t too far now. You’re kind of curious as to what would be up with him, and him being so stubborn and not telling you, is just making you more curious. 

“Fuck you too.” He says it, but it doesn’t hold any venom, he just sounds exhausted. “Fine whatever, it’s just- Gamzee. I know it sounds stupid, I just feel like I’ve done something wrong, like I’m not good enough.”

You want to feel sympathy for him with something like that, but honestly, you don’t get it. “Seriously? You’re worried about the guy, the psycho, that killed a bunch of your friends, not liking you enough. Okay, I know I said I understood this stuff, but that’s just stupid.” 

He growls at you, it’s only quiet but you just pick it up, trolls sure are weird. “See I fucking told you you wouldn’t understand!” 

“I meant I understand about all that quadrant business, but you can’t honestly take what you two had seriously? Even I could see that was a load.” You’re probably being an asshole right now, but maybe it’ll distract him from being such a downer. 

He doesn’t say anything, just hangs his head and keeps walking, although he’s slowed right down now and you have to actually stop when you walked off ahead so he could catch up.

After another minute of awkward silence he relaxes a little, “I know it wasn’t anything serious, okay? I just mean, I thought I’d be good enough. And I’m not. I can’t even explain it, you won’t understand

“Good enough for what? Were you expecting some fairy tale romance with the muderclown? I mean, I can see it being some kind of shitty romcom. You’re both sat in a your house, you go to the bathroom, and suddenly! there’s a dead body in the bath tub! When you confront your pet clown he just gives this cute little smile and you d’aww at him, and forgive him, and smooch and happily ever after.”

He makes a little noise you’re pretty sure was supposed to be a laugh. “That sounds like the worst romcom plotline ever. You are terrible at this. Have you even watched any?” he’s looking at you from the side, grimacing.

“Nope.” He shakes his head at you in disbelief. “Hey, it’s not my fault romcoms suck.”

“You’re serious. You’ve never watched even one?” he sounds angry, back to his normal self at least.

“Why would I?” You do not like the way this is going, he’s probably going to give you one and tell you to watch it, which you won’t, and you’ll forget about it and lose it, then he’ll get mad and shout at you.

You realise you’ve been walking for longer than you thought when you see him stop and open the door to his room. You expect the conversation to just stop, and him to slam the door in your face when he suddenly grabs you by the wrist and drags you into his room with him. He pulls you to the far side away from the door, pushes on your shoulders, and forces you to sit on the floor. 

“Dude what are you doing?” you try to get back up but he has you pinned by the shoulders, he’s pretty strong.

He stares straight into your shades so intently you are sure he can see your eyes through them, “you are going to sit here. And I am going to educate you.” 

“I am not. I repeat, not! Watching a romcom with you.”

“Come on, this one’s really good. There isn’t a version of this on earth; this will teach you everything you need to know about quadrants and it is a masterpiece. There is comedy in it of course, it would be weak and boring without it, but there is a lot of fight scenes.”

He backs off slowly, still holding his hands out like you’re about to bolt, and then tentatively turns to his TV. He sifts through a large box for a few moments until he seems satisfied with something. You don’t quite see what he’ doing so you decide to have a look around his room, it’s bare, just the basics with no personal touches. You made your own room feel like home, maybe this was just a troll thing. 

You’ve never been in one of their rooms before.

You are shaken from your observations when he comes and sits next to you on the floor, you look at the screen and see the introduction to the film, close-ups of all the main characters smiling at each other and happy polyphonic music in the background, it’s so pretentious, then the title scrolls across the screen.

‘In Which Two Moirails Discover An Injured Seadweller And Both Fall Flushed For Him, Only To Find That They All Have Different Feelings For Each Other Over The Course Of Numerous Sweeps. Includes Multiple Cases Of Inappropriate Confessions, Too Many Quadrant Flips Than Should Be Physically Possible, A Lot Of Comedic Overacting And A Tragically Beautiful Ending’.

This is going to be a long-

“How long is this movie?”

He tilts his head, eyes not leaving the screen, “mmm, four hours? I think. Maybe five.”

You groan dramatically and drop your head into your hands; this is going to be a long 5 hours. 

************************************************

“So are they… Kismesies, Kismesises… Kismesi or whatever now… or what?”

He spares you a quick sideways glance and rolls his eyes before looking back at the screen, the movie’s been on for over an hour and you’re already so, so lost. Karkat has been “helping you understand” by pointing out the exact moment one of the quadrants, vacillates or whatever he called it. 

This still doesn’t help, there are only three main characters, and one that keeps showing up every now and again to break up the fun when the fights actually start to get interesting and you think, this time one of them is bound to be killed, but there have apparently been six quadrant flips already altogether.

“And what’s with the guy who keeps cock blocking the hate-love birds?”

“That’s their Auspistice. He’s ashen for them.” You give him a confused look that he must be able to read despite your shades, his shoulders slump, “that’s another quadrant.”

“No I know that. But-” You wave your hand at the screen, as if your gesture can translate all the confusion in your head into something more legible. “Why him? He’s only just showed up. I thought it was another one of your confusing romance things. You can’t just fall in-” more vague hand gestures, this time at Karkat himself, “some weird kind of alien love with someone in like, five minutes.”

He raises an eyebrow, and just stares at you for a few moments, bafflement painted in his expression. Then something happens on the screen and he must realise what he’s doing, because his eyes open a fraction wider and he snaps his head back to screen, he lifts his knees to rest his chin on them and mostly hides his face in his arms.

You’re pretty sure you can see the faintest smile on his lips.

*************************************************

“No. They’re Moirails.” 

“I thought that was just like best bros.”

“It is, sort of. See this is why it doesn’t translate.”

You make a little noise that means you’re amused, some people call it a laugh, but it’s not quite that. “Best bros that make out. Trust me, that translates.”

“They’re not making out! They’re just… it’s for the camera.” You’re pretty sure he’s blushing.

“Oh so not all Moirails make out. Wait…” you fold your arms and nudge him with your elbow. “You made out with the clown, didn’t you Karkles.”

He gets up and starts pacing around the room. “It’s not making out! It’s pale kissing!” He’s back to shouting at his normal volume, the movie is being completely ignored, which is fine with you, you don’t really fancy watching two trolls macking on each other.

“So that’s a yes.”

He sighs and flops back in his spot, glaring at the movie as if it did something to personally offend him. “Nothing like that, just pale kissing. It’s a troll thing, you wouldn’t understand.” He’s covered his face with a hand but you can still see him blushing, it doesn’t really show much in the dark since Karkat shut the light off half an hour ago. Only lit by the flickers of the screen, his face just looks a darker shade of grey. 

“Dude, people kissed back on earth and it didn’t mean anything like that, I understand. Kids kiss their parents, people kiss their friends on the cheek…” you shrug, and lean back against the wall again, crossing your legs at the ankles. Karkat doesn’t look at you for a while after that.

*************************************************

“Vantas, what rating is this movie?”

“I don’t remember. I haven’t watched it in a long time.”

“Okay, well I wanna state this now. I do not. Want to watch. Aliens doing it.”

“Will you stop saying aliens? That’s really fucking offensive!”

“I only say it because it bugs you.”

“Well as an ‘Alien’, I hope you know I could take that as black solicitation.”

“As what?” 

“You’re black flirting with me without even realising!”

“Who said I didn’t realise? I could just be doing it to get on your nerves.” You let yourself smirk just a little to get your point across. “I mean, I don’t wanna like, pin you up against a wall or any of the shit that’s going on here.” You point at the screen where the two, now, ex-Moirails are having a caliginous fight. “But it is funny when you’re angry.”

“Strider.” He warns. He has that trademark glare with the bared teeth he gives you when you say something that drives him particularly crazy. 

You just shuffle your ass on the hard floor and pull your legs so they’re crossed, and focus back on the movie.

*************************************************

“How long has it been now?”

“I don’t know dude, this is your room. Don’t you have a clock?”

“Only on my husktop and it isn’t on. You’re the Knight of fucking Time, I thought telling the time was a thing you could do.”

“Nah man, not tell the time. It’s like, I can just feel time as a whole. Even if I could I’m not your personal talking clock, dude.”

“I never said you were! I just asked the fucking time. You know what? Forget it.”

*************************************************

“Okay. So what, the fuck, just happened there?”

“Do I have to explain every fucking quadrant flip to you?”

“Yeah when they happen to every character on the screen, I mean what the shit is that Auspi-whatever doing?”

“He got pissed off with the Violet blood’s attitude towards him and now he’s black for him. And the girl pities him from how badly their relationship’s going, so now she’s flushed for him.”

You gawk at him; this is all so confusing. Why are you even here? When did watching a movie with Karkat become a good idea? What has happened to your life?-

He interrupts your inner existential crisis. “What?”

“For all you try and say there’s more to troll romance than just hating someone or feeling sorry for them, this shit is shallow.”

“Well, they’re supposed to be sort of blurring the lines for comedic effect. I guess that might confuse someone who doesn’t really know quadrants. You’re not supposed to take it too seriously, it’s just the basics are there.”

“So, they’re like kids in high school who just found something else they can do with their mouths.”

He grimaces at the screen, then it contorts into an amused expression and he laughs quietly without turning to you, “Yeah, I guess so.”

*************************************************

“Dude I gotta piss.”

“Fine, I’ll pause it”. 

He goes to stand, but you rest your hand on his shoulder to stop him. You get up and call back to him as you head out of his room to find the nearest bathroom, “don’t bother, just… tell me what happens. You’re just gonna have to explain it anyway.”

*************************************************

“Wow, how long was I gone?”

“Half a sweep. I need to rewind it, there’s no way even I can explain that.”

“Nah nah, it’s cool, why did we jump the timeline?”

He rolls his eyes at your phrasing, “because nothing really happens. There were one or two flushed/caliginous flips between the Kismesises but nothing major.” He huddles up on himself. “The drones are coming.”

“They put that in a romcom? I thought that shit was like, the scariest thing imaginable for you guys.”

“Not the scariest in a normal sense, it’s just. It actually happens. It’s a thing we all know about. It’s natural for it to be in a romance movie. About half of the Alternian originals I have have that as part of the plot.” He turns to look at you, and he looks so small. “It doesn’t make it any less scary.”

You don’t know why, but you have an overwhelming urge to comfort him. You don’t think he’s really that affected by the whole thing but-

You gently rest your hand on his shoulder anyway. 

He tenses for a moment, and then relaxes enough for it to not be weird.

*************************************************

“Dude, I said I didn’t wanna watch trolls doing it!”

“Shut up, shut up! Neither do I. I’ll just, fast forward it. Where the fuck is the remote?”

Watching him blindly grope around the floor for the remote while covering his eyes from the scene is actually quite amusing. 

Honestly, you don’t care about the awkward, obviously fake, sex scene. It doesn’t affect you in the slightest after all the ironic shit your bro used to pull. It is however, really funny watching his reaction to it. 

In fact, you hope he doesn’t find the remote, because this is priceless. 

Maybe you could nudge it further away from him with your foot without him noticing.

You take back everything you thought; watching movies with Karkat was the best idea ever. 

You will definitely be doing this again.

Maybe next time you can find some well-disguised porn just to make him blush and splutter, see how long he’ll sit there before he punches you and turns it off. 

This is definitely a thing that needs to happen.

*************************************************

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“So, she’s how old now?”

“Sixteen sweeps.”

“But that’s only-”

“Around thirty four earth years, yes. She is a Rustblood. That is an average lowlood’s life span. Well, that is actually pretty short, even for a lowblood. But it happens.”

You just, stare at him. He has a blank expression and is just staring at the screen; he doesn’t seem to be watching the movie though.

“And you’re-”

“Seven.”

You don’t know if you should keep going with this, but now you’re curious.

“And you’ll-”

“Shut up.”

*************************************************

Karkat neglected to tell you that even though this is supposedly some kind of alien romcom, it’s actually a comedic, romance, tragedy amalgamation.

The female lead is lying on a couch in her current Moirail’s hive, she doesn’t look very old, but apparently, trolls don’t age like humans. Besides, it’s only a movie, so the makeup probably isn’t good enough to show it.

She is basically on the troll equivalent of her deathbed right now, her Moirail at the moment is the Seadweller guy they found near the beginning, and her ex-Moirail is their auspistice. 

You didn’t even know Moirail’s needed them.

Maybe Karkat and Gamzee needed one.

You start forgetting about the movie, because it’s just really depressing right now, and wondering what it would be like to be their Auspistice. You don’t mind Karkat so much anymore, he is loud, obnoxious, shouty, angry, and you could go on. However, he’s alright. He only gets into people’s business because he cares, and he is so dramatic about everything that it’s funny winding him up.

Gamzee though? You have never met him. Sure, you talked to him on Pesterchum a long time ago, but he’s apparently changed since then. 

It’s not as if it matters anymore anyway, you don’t know when Karkat last saw that damn clown, but you’re sure it was a long time ago.

Also being an Auspistice is some kind of alien romance, and as much as this film is giving you ideas that you can just throw these titles around, you are absolutely sure what you feel for Karkat is not some delusion of love. How can that even translate into human terms? 

This morning you thought Moirallegiance was easy to understand; now you’re not sure you understand it at all. 

Karkat had explained the shooshing and the papping before, and you thought it all sounded simple, you could do that no problem. 

Now, you realise that it’s something more; it’s not just keeping someone happy and stopping them from hurting anyone by placating them. You have to actually understand them, be there for them no matter what, and let them be there for you, tell them absolutely everything. 

There are no secrets in a Moirallegiance. 

Before you thought Matesprits were like human dating, and Moirails were like best friends.

Now you think that Moirails are more like human dating without the actual physical stuff, Matesprits don’t seem to really talk as much, it’s more physical.

However, you’re just human and you could be completely wrong. 

This shit is so confusing. 

*************************************************

“It’s over halfway now, only about an hour left I think.”

“I don’t think I’ve sat still this long in my entire life.”

“You got up halfway through, and you’ve been fidgeting the entire time.”

“I repeat. My entire life.”

“Just shut the fuck up and watch the movie, this is a really good bit.”

You shut the fuck up and watch the movie, although you doubt it’s going to be a good bit with the mood the movies been giving off for the last hour or so. 

The female lead kisses her Moirail and the Oliveblooded Auspistice and Jesus fucking Christ is there not one quadrant people don’t kiss? Her Violetblooded Moirail takes her hand and sobs silently into her hair; she smiles and tells the Oliveblood to look after him.

Then she dies.

And they cry.

You glance at Karkat, and sure enough, he’s crying.  
He’s always so overdramatic, it’s not as if it was even that sad. The two male leads hold each other and cry dramatically, too dramatically if anyone asks you, it kind of ruins the moment. Then they kiss, just a little peck on the lips deal, and you just know they’re about to flip quadrants again.

“Matesprits?” 

Karkat seems to jump, and rubs at his eyes quickly, then looks at you wide eyed and confused, “huh?”

“Those two, are they gonna be Matesprits now?”

“Oh”, he slumps back against the wall and sniffles, “I think so, I haven’t actually paid attention to this bit before”

Sure enough, as you watch they start talking about how life is going to suck without her, and eventually they confess their flushed feelings for each other.  
They promise their late Burgundyblooded friend that they will look after each other. It’s all so sweet and heart felt you feel your eyes sting a little, your throat feels dry, you swallow, and the sound it makes in your ears over the quiet in the room makes you jump.

They’re still talking about how they feel when you look over at Karkat, he has his knees pulled right up against his chest and his face is buried in his arms, he’s not even pretending to look at the screen. 

You watch him for a few moments, wondering if he just fell asleep or something, when his shoulders shake a little. When you listen to him through the sparse quiet sections of the movie, you can hear him breathing unevenly.

You sigh and he jumps but doesn’t lift his head. You shuffle a little closer to him. 

He is so openly emotional it kind of scares you; you’re not used to seeing anyone emote so much.

He doesn’t seem to react to you, not pulling away at least, so you shuffle a bit closer, then again. You didn’t even realise how far apart you were, and that makes shuffling on your ass feel a little more awkward. 

Once you’re close enough you lean against the wall next to him, letting your upper arm have contact with him to let him know you’re there, sort of anchor him, you hope, but the way he’s sat you’re sort of brushing against his side rather than his arm. You are not good with comforting people, so you just sit there awkwardly; watching the film for a few more minutes until he finally acknowledges you.

You hadn’t realised how tense he was until he relaxes and leans into you slightly, it’s kind of nice, you always thought he would be kind of clingy, and perhaps he is, but he’s really warm and right now, you don’t mind this.

*************************************************

The last half hour of the movie seems to be really fast paced, the two male leads are now officially Matesprits, but they just had an argument, you haven’t seen the Blueblooded Auspistice from the beginning for an hour and you honestly expected him to show up in that fight.

The Oliveblood left their shared hive and got into some trouble with someone from his past, now he’s lying in an alley, bleeding to death.

His Matesprit goes looking for him to apologize, but when he finds him-

You can’t do this anymore.

You try your hardest, but you just can’t watch, you look away and try to think about something else, but all you can think about is quadrants and this damn movie, and why was this a good idea again?

Karkat shakes and sniffles, and godammit he’s crying again.

He said he forgot about how sad this movie was earlier, and he offered to change it, you should have said okay, but you were too busy being amused by pissing him off.

Now he’s upset and you blame yourself.

You look up at the screen in time to catch the Oliveblood tell his Matesprit that he forgives him, and it’s okay, he was going to die before him anyway with him being a Highblood, he wouldn’t go back and change anything.

‘You have to take the chance and make the most out of what you have. Just go for it.’

You look at Karkat, still huddled up on himself and staring up at the screen from under his messy hair, and you shift. When you pull your arm out from next to you, he drops his knees so he’s cross-legged and looks like he’s going to shuffle away.

So you grab him, wrapping your arm around his back and resting your hand on his opposite arm. And pull him into you.

He doesn’t tense up this time, just automatically slumps into you, resting his head on your chest.

When the Oliveblood dies in his Matesprits arms, Karkat just explodes from emotions and tears stream down his face. He latches onto you, wrapping both his arms around your middle, which leaves your hand resting on his side and you can feel his heartbeat in the palm of your hand.

He’s still watching the film until the credits start rolling. When they do, he turns slightly to look up at you and reaches up to touch your face

You tense, thinking he’s going to try to take your shades off and you feel vulnerable.

But he doesn’t, instead he just runs his fingers over your cheek gently, and pulls his hand down in front of his own face to inspect his fingers, that is when you notice his fingers are wet, and you touch your cheek. 

You were crying.

He looks at you and smiles fondly, and then just rests his head back on your chest.

“If you fucking tell anyone about any of this. I will tell everyone you cried at one of my ‘shitty movies’.”


End file.
